Archive for the ‘Toys’ Category

Time Machine: 90’s Summer Toys

July 5, 2011

Summer Vacation. No two words can incite a bigger riot within the hearts of kids anywhere. Ever. I remember in 4th grade, the bell rang on the last day of school and hundreds of tiny bodies flipped furniture and threw paper like confetti. One kid even knocked a fish-tank over. Not cool, kid. Whatever – this was the age in which Summer felt most magical, at least to me. I have lots of great Summer Vacation memories as a child. Now Summer Vacation consists of working, sweating, and complaining. Growing up in the 90’s, I had the pleasure of being able to indulge in a time where toys were still cool. That could be the nostalgia talking.

The Super Soaker 300! Or, Super Soaker With The Back-Pack Thing!

Lethal Weapon.

This majestic piece of plastic equipment struck fear into neighborhood kids far and wide. My dad loved me enough to get me one of these, thankfully. Unfortunately, during times of water warfare around the neighborhood, the fear factor of having a tank of water strapped to my back wasn’t enough. It would take me 15 minutes just to fill it, I’d have to pump roughly 214 times just to get enough pressure to make it count and, oh, I couldn’t run with this thing on. I was like Robocop. Moving like a stop-motion animation idiot because this thing literally probably weighed more than me at the time. If I got over-zealous and tried to run, I would just tip over. Granted, I was the only one on my block with this bad boy, so the cool points alone made it worth it. If I had one today, I’d fill it with Champagne.

Skip It! ( A Deadly Weapon )

Raise your hand if you’ve ever severely injured yourself, or someone else, while innocently playing outside on your Skip-It. If you’re not raising your hand you’re a fucking liar and get off my blog. The original Skip-It was actually released in the 70’s at some point, then re-released several years late with a counter on the ball. ( the very best thing. of all. ) The counter was integral to impressing your friends, counting your calories, and scaring the fat kid. Whoever invented this thing must of been into medevil weaponry because this thing was basically no different than a Morning Star. You wind it up then unleash it in the general direction of the kid that stole your SNES games, or just inch close to that girls ankle who told on you that time you were “borrowing” items from peoples backyards to build a tree-fort. Anyone who just stood outside in their drive-way to Skip-It for a few hours — actually, no. No one did that. Regardless, I still love the shit out of this thing.

Slip n’ Slides!

Check out the look of pure judgement on that one kids face.

Slip and slides are a summer staple. Even still for me, at 26. If it’s summer, and you aren’t slipping and sliding at some point – that is a problem. A huge problem. I don’t even care if you don’t have any friends, go to Home Depot and buy yourself some plastic sheeting and butter yourself up and Slide’ around and listen to The Beach Boys. You’re an adult now, drink a wine cooler while you do it too. When I was young, some kids had some boxed Slip n’ Slides, like Crocodile Mile. These were the worst. You get them out of the box, expecting to unfurl an endless amount of fun, and it’s 2feet of thin plastic sheeting with a blow up splash pool at the end, that would undoubtedly be devastated within the first few uses. You better have some flawless grass to lay that bad boy down on, too, or it’s going to be ripped to shreds in minutes, along with your body. You’re better off getting a tarp, and finding a grassy knoll to lay that shit down on. Grab a few Capri Suns and you’re set.


December 29, 2010

You all should check out my friend Aldos blog, Oozed. He posts really interesting people and he clearly has good taste because he posted an interview with me. He’s got a beautiful and rad wife, rad kids, and a rad toy collection. Good people in my book, even if I get teased for being a “rap-metal fixed gear faggot”.


The droid I was looking for.

August 14, 2010

I was at my favorite place in the world, Tates Comics, and found this little guy! He’s a keychain that I keep on my bike bag, and is pretty much the cutest. He just says the sweetest things: